Achtung, Bambino

"Take my country -- please!"

In a twist on Henny Youngman's comic one-liner, a beloved Italian comedian satirically appealed to Germany to do something it has done repeatedly in the past: launch an invasion.

"Italy is appealing to the fraternal Germans: Please declare war on us!" pleaded stand-up comic Beppe Grillo. "We'll be happy to surrender. You're our last hope.

Neapolitan garbage heads to Bremen

"We are already sending you garbage from Campania [the Naples region]. Please take away our politicians too. We'll pay you well to do so!" Grillo said.

The comedian was referring to a deal struck last year between Italy and Germany that has seen garbage from Naples is being carted by train to Bremen for incineration, as part of a one-off effort to ease weeks-old waste build-up in the Italian city.

And, of course, Grillo -- sometimes referred to as "Italy's Michael Moore" -- he was putting a slight twist on his usual shtick, which is based on poking fun at chaos and corruption in Italian life.

Sixty governments, and counting

Grillo made his comments -- which played off the stereotypes of Germans as being über-organized and militarily avaricious, as well as the Italian penchant for toppling and building governments at the drop of a hat -- in an interview with German newsweekly Die Zeit. The interviewer had asked for his two cents on the latest collapse of the Italian government and the resignation of Prime Minister Romano Prodi.

Grillo, who has been banned from Italian TV but plays live to large audiences in big Italian venues, reserved especially scathing remarks for opposition leader and former government head Silvio Berlusconi. The media mogul, who owns three major television channels and Italy's biggest publishing group, is seeking a comeback in the April general election.

The bliss of being Berlusconi

German Chancellor Angela Merkel ought to think about becoming a media magnate herself, Grillo said.

"If Merkel had three channels and 40 newspapers and magazines, she would not need to form a grand coalition," Grillo said. "She would just get 80 percent of the votes at every election. Why don't you suggest this to Merkel?"

No word form Grillo on whether the benefits of a possible Teutonic takeover -- ostensibly, a responsive democracy and efficient public service -- would outweigh the culinary and lifestyle negatives.

Sauerkraut instead of spaghetti? Beer over Barolo? More pretzels than pancetta? Maybe he should think twice about his invitation to invade.